Love Neverlasting

Today I am going to touch on a subject near to me.  Abuse.  Specifically, spousal abuse.  It doesn’t have to be all physical. It can be verbal and emotional.  I spent 10 years with a man capable of just that.  Everyone tried to tell me not to marry him, but I did it anyway.  In no way am I looking for pity, nor do I think it’s my fault.  The fault I do have is choosing to let it go on as long as I did.

2003 I married a man 19 years my senior. He had never been married, which should have been an omen for me.  I was blinded by, what I thought, love.  One month after marriage I was pregnant with our son.  4 Months into my pregnancy, we got into an argument.  He had been drinking. I don’t recall why we were fighting, but I recall the physical confrontation.  He slammed me into a wall as I was going down the hallway to the phone in the kitchen. He promptly grabbed me and pulled the phone from the wall.  I was then on the love seat, where he began to pound on my head.  Eventually, I was able to call for help on my cell phone.  He was toted off to jail, only to bond out the next day. I refused to go get him! His friend went to bail him out.  7 years later, I found out there was a Do Not Contact order against him, which he blatantly disobeyed.  Since my other children weren’t home at the time and had no knowledge of the incident, nothing was ever done.

Fast forward to December 2008. He has been drinking again. We got into an argument about me going to see my parents. Things escalated from there. At one point, he tried to get my oldest daughter’s cell phone away from her, grabbing her arm. Long story short, he left, only to have a warrant issued. He surrendered himself a couple of weeks later.  I almost lost my daughters: did lose one, as she chose to go live with her real father.

To this day, he refuses to take any responsibility for his actions.  I have admitted to my wrong doings. He lays blame solely on me.  He spent years accusing me of infidelity, which was untrue until the very end of our marriage.  I was never good enough. I wasn’t allowed to go see my family. He thought my sister was a bad influence.

He broke my spirit down, making me afraid to even leave the house to go to the store.  He was verbally abusive to my daughters, because they weren’t his.  I didn’t write this for pity. I want none.  I want women in similar situations to know it’s okay to leave.  Don’t be afraid to walk out and begin to live again.  You are someone! You are worth it!

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